Sometimes during long days and even longer nights with Micah, it does my mental and emotional state good to step back from the daily tasks, feedings, late nights and early mornings to gain a little perspective. Life seems to speed up as I get older. The years are shorter but the days sometimes seem long. I am busy all day but sometimes achieve nothing but maintaining my sanity. I have no “job” but never have a day off (unless grandma is in town). These things sometimes overtake my thinking and prevent me from having the perspective I want to have.
Life’s speed is moving too fast for me right now. I think its just now hitting me that Avery turned 2. While this might seem insignificant, I have no idea where the 2 years have gone. Everyday she is looking less like my baby and more like a little girl. She is so beautiful, funny, independent, and smart. I do not know where she comes up with some of the things she says. Tim and I are always looking at one another in amazement at how incredible she has become…well, she always has been to us. It seems like she has changed so much since Micah has been home…maybe its because I’m busier with him right now and don’t have all of my day to stare at her and know her every move, but she is truly growing up before my eyes each and every day.
In one breath, I want her to be independent, social, and be able to entertain herself…but I’m really dreading the day that she doesn’t need me to do everything for her and the day that she doesn’t look to me for the answer (“Right, Mommy?”). I know the days are fleeting that she thinks I have all the answers and that my kisses heal her boo-boos. All too soon she will be off to pre-school and then kindergarten and will spend more of her day with others than me. And I will miss answering the same question for the 10th time in an hour…I will miss cleaning her up after her lunch of “PBJ! PBJ!”…I will miss watching her run around our backyard without a care in the world….I will miss her sitting on my lap and reading the same books over and over….I will miss almost everything about these days that seem monotonous right now.
So, when I’m looking at little (big) Micah at 3 am, willing (praying!) him to go back to sleep, I am going to try to remember that someday I will think back with the greatest affection on these times….when he needs his Mommy more than anyone else on earth. When he will look at me and smile because he KNOWS me and practically no one else. These days will be gone before I know it…and this is my one shot at doing this part of life the best I can.